Drug addiction kills not only your body from the inside but also hits your mental capabilities in the most severe ways. As it pushes your life into further crumbling, so are the lives of the people around you. In this second part of her conversation with David Kimbell, Samantha Postman turns the tables to share the life of one of her most beloved persons in the world: her sister. She looks back on the crazy coincidences that led her to this sibling from a different mother. Samantha reflects on helping her sister with drug addiction, whose life ended in the most depressing way. She also shares the lessons from this meaningful phase in her life, from responsible parenting, the dangers of comparison, to the power of healing that leads to self-growth.

Love the show? Subscribe, rate, review, and share! Transcriptions @ http://samanthapostman.com.

Show Notes:

  • 02:28 – The Stamp We Have on Us
  • 07:52 – Getting to Choose the Path in Front of Us
  • 11:56 – What Makes Us Different
  • 30:23 – Getting Out of Detox
  • 36:20 – We are Born with Different Capacities
  • 42:14 – Finding Good Support Systems for Your Addictions
  • 51:26 – Fighting Your DNA is Hard Work but You Can Do It
  • 57:37 – Keep Trying – Perseverance Creates Success

Listen to the podcast here:

Adoption, Drug Addiction, Surprise Sisterhood, Better Parenting, And Healing To Move Forward w/ David Kimbell, Part 2 of 2

Samantha: This show is quite a bit different than when we talked about other aspects like being having 10-D vision and other ones, a bandwidth of being public, what it’s like to live in the tension, which we covered in previous shows. In this show, I did something unexpected. Dave started asking me some questions and I started sharing in a way that I was not expecting and wasn’t even sure if I was going to post it, but I got a lot of courage and some encouragement in the right places. I think this one’s going to be impactful for many people. I want to talk about curiosity and resilience, two things that I have and how it’s a superpower for living a remarkable or extraordinary life despite the traumas.

From there, I go in and talk about an experience I had with meeting my half-sister quite late in life and what that was like. I promise you, it’s a crazy story. You would never even be able to make this stuff up. Something that’s deep about that is that my sister had a drug addiction. Where I come from, people come out dead or dead inside, and my sister wasn’t anything different. I’m going to share pretty deeply about my experience with meeting my half-sister and what it was like to encounter her with drug addiction. At the end of the show, I come back on my own and I have a message for those of you who are struggling with supporting someone with an addiction, as well as anyone who might be struggling with addiction themselves. This show is definitely what not to miss and might be one that you might want to share with that you think would be impacted by it. Dave, let’s get to it. Thanks for being on the show.

Dave: You’ve done the photography bit. You’re a farm wife, a manager, you’ve been a tax strategist as well and you mentor young adults.

Samantha: Not as much now, but I have done quite a bit in the past. My children are young adults. Most of my energy is going into them specifically.

Dave: It wasn’t off to a great start either. You had a less than ideal start in life. All I can say is wow. That’s cool.

The Stamp We Have on Us

Samantha: The stamp Made in Canada, it’s like, “You’re made in Canada. Your passport says you were born here.” When we look at a person, they have some stamp on them. You see who they are. You can’t see what got them there. You can’t see what they went through to get there. You do this enough times. I do taxes. I interacted with many people that you pick up things. When you see a strong person, that has to come from somewhere. I can usually pick up on a personality if they overly withdraw or overly engage. That extreme is a reaction. It’s an overreaction to something. Usually, that’ll key me into something when I’m mentoring young adults. If I see someone who’s way over the top and someone who’s way under, I’m like, “These are the ones I’m going to go talk to.” Something has driven that.

Dave: That’s an imbalance and you perceive it as an unhealthy imbalance.

Samantha: I don’t know if I see it as unhealthy. I look at the world in a curious way. It’s like, “Why is that?” I’m a curious person. Can I help if there is something? Is there something I can do to help? What I’m saying is if someone sees some stamp on me, I know what I look like now. I was the ugly one in school. If I was to take all my makeup off and leave my half-witch hair because it’s curly, I’ve got the Scottish unruly thing underneath there, I look like everybody else.

Put the right clothes, the right makeup, the right hair on someone and you can transform somebody from that. I can do both. I would come without makeup on. Probably not without my hair done because it definitely could pass for a witch or something. It seems like that to me. I get a little nervous. I’m avoiding what you’re saying because it’s hard for me to go there. It’s one of my coping mechanisms. I’ll talk about something before I’m ready to go and talk about the thing.

My childhood was nothing you’d ever want to wish on anyone. My mom was pregnant with me when she was sixteen. She didn’t finish school. I was the first one, from my mom’s line if you ever go to my mom and my grandma, to finish high school. It was tough. I’m saying that mildly. What you see on my About page is the general audience rating. The eighteen-plus rating is not on there. I struggled with putting it on there to begin with. It’s not that I can’t talk about it. I want to be seen as a professional. I don’t want to be seen as an injured child or the broken eagle that someone fixed their wing. I want to be judged on my performance in the executive world, leadership or mentorship. I want to be judged for that.

Dave: You’ve got the tone right. When I read that, I said, “I want to meet this lady.” The first thing I thought was, “There is some pain here that most people would allow to keep them down. This lady hasn’t. What makes her tick?” That’s now part of your professional thing, as far as I’m concerned. I thought, “Somebody has got a unique ingredient here.” As far as I’m concerned, you’ve got that mix right. Even though you say you’ve sanitized that, it’s great. It’s part of your professional mix. Keep it there.

Samantha: It’s interesting as you say that. For most of us, our background is our background. It’s our story. We all have that.

Dave: We don’t know any different.

Samantha: I did know different but I don’t think it’s special. A lot of people go through crap. It’s only been in the last few years. I’m starting to get DMs being like, “How are you doing this? How are you staying married and running multiple companies? How did you do this?” I’m like, “I don’t know. Doesn’t everybody do that?” I’m getting more of them.

Dave: It’s your superpower.

Samantha: Now I’m starting to wonder, “Maybe I need to start looking a little bit more like, ‘What did I do.’” Other people want to hear it because maybe they can do it too.

Dave: It’s a story and it’s a superpower you do have. Let it out. Let the world see it. We want to see it. We want to learn from it. That’s how I’ve landed into copywriting.

Samantha: When we talk about that, it becomes your identity and your label. I’m cautious about it. I was talking to someone and they’re like, “Those are the people that went bankrupt.” I’m like, “When was that?” They’re like, “Twenty years ago.” I’m like, “You people are still talking about this? They’re not the bankrupt people. They’re people.”

Dave: Human beings will do that.

Once people give you that label, they will keep you there whether they meant to or not. I won't be defined by other people's labels. “That's not me. It's my past.” My past is me in many ways. I didn't choose that path. I was born… Click To Tweet
Once people give you a label, they will keep you there whether they meant to or not.

 

Samantha: “That’s the divorced one. That’s the one whose wife left him five years ago.” That’s his label now. Every time it’s like, “That’s the person who had this. That’s the person who came from hell.” A lot of the stuff I shared on there, I have started sharing in the last few years. I’ve hardly told anyone about my past. Not because I was afraid to talk about it but I never wanted to be that label. Once people give you that label, they will keep you there whether they meant to or not. Also, I didn’t want to be defined by it. I was like, “That’s not me. It’s my past.” Your past is you in many ways. I didn’t choose that path. I was born into it. I get to choose my path forward.

Getting to Choose the Path in Front of Us

If I’m right here, I got here because of what came before. From here on out, I get to choose. When I tell people my past, all of a sudden they’re choosing this. Now, my story is powerful being told. If I talk about my story, I’m on this path where I talk about my story. If I’m over here, I can talk about my skills as a marketer, my skills talking with internationals. I get to talk about those things because no one’s steering my ship. I get to choose what I talk about. As soon as people are talking about my past, all of a sudden, I don’t get to choose it anymore. I’m struggling with how to navigate that.

Dave: I get it. I’d be reluctant to see you abandon your story altogether. You used the word choose, “I get to choose.” Do you know how many people out there don’t know that?

Samantha: I hope they learned about it now. You get to choose the path in front of you. You don’t get to choose where you came from. Maybe you did but it’s too late. You can’t change that anymore. You do get to choose. When you take a step ahead, is it to the left, to the right or is it forward? You can go back if you want to.

Dave: Most people don’t seem to know that.

Samantha: You get to choose which foot goes first and in what direction.

Dave: To me, that is an awesome thing. I can’t beat that drum enough. I learned it later in life than I would have liked.

Samantha: I am more comfortable talking about my past. Another reason is that much of my path is intertwined with a family that’s still alive. My story is their story. When I tell my story, people say, “You have every right to tell your story.” There are people in my life who aren’t getting to choose whether that’s public or not. I am cautious. I will talk about my family stuff sometimes. I say probably more than I meant and I later go, “I hope my mom or my brother wasn’t listening.”

I try to be respectful and that’s mostly why I haven’t spoken up. Especially coming up in the church, honor your father and your mother. To honor my mother is to not talk about what happened when I was a child. Can you even see all these things I was struggling through? Now I’m like, “My story is inspiring to people.” They’re coming to me and asking me, “What did you do? How can I do this?” Even people who didn’t come from any trauma.

I had a young guy from Edmonton. He’s got a new startup company and he sees my resume on LinkedIn. He’s like, “How did you do all that?” I’m like, “I don’t know what to say.” I went and ate dinner. I came back and I’m like, “Here are some things I did. I do have some things to offer.” I shot him an email and said, “Here are four things that I did. I don’t know if they’ll help you but I hope so.” I’m getting more of it. That’s what I’m going to talk about on my show.

I don’t know how to say this. It’s not like I can go, “This is what I did. I’m going to tell the world about it.” It’s more like when you ask me questions, I’ve never articulated in that way about choosing my path forward. It was because you asked the right question that I was able to dig in, articulate and say what needed to be said. I can’t necessarily think that up on my own. That’s why connections are good. Together, we learn about ourselves. I’m a verbal thinker, too. I can do both. Articulation comes from practice. If you don’t ever speak, you’re never going to be able to articulate. It’s not just speaking, you can articulate through writing. Some people are like, “You keep talking about your past but you’re not saying much.”

“Articulation comes from practice. If you don't ever speak, you're never going to be able to articulate.” Click To Tweet

Dave: People are saying that?

What Makes Us Different

Samantha: If they’re reading, they’re like, “You talked around everything but what went on in your life?” There are some things I’m probably never going to speak about publicly. If I do, it will be after certain people who aren’t on the earth anymore. Something you asked me earlier triggered a thought. You were like, “What made you different?” Every once in a while, I encounter this situation. I’ll use a general example. Let’s say there are a set of two males who are identical twins. They share the same DNA and share the same parents. Let’s say that these two boys have an abusive and alcoholic father. They grow up with him their entire life. When they grow up and become adults, one of them says, “My life sucked. I had so much trauma in my life. I can’t face the world. I don’t know how to move on. I’m angry at the world,” and does exactly what his father does. He gets married, drinks and abuses his children.

“If your parent is a certain way, especially a strong parent, you will be preconditioned, predisposed to act that same way without even knowing it.”

 

Someone says, “How could you do this when you know what it did to you as your father?” He’s like, “How could I not? That’s all I saw.” It’s programmed in him. That is conditioned and programmed to behave a certain way. If your parent is a certain way especially a strong parent, you will be preconditioned, predisposed to act that same way without even knowing it. You will act in anger the same way they did. The same things will trigger you off and on.

Imagine, the other twin says, “I know what this made me feel like and I’m not going to live that way. I’m choosing a different path. I’m never going to touch alcohol. I’m never going to abuse my children. I’m going to marry and I’m going to be the best father.” He raises three great kids who go on to have other great kids. Same family and genetics, born at the same time. I see this happen. Even though I don’t have that exact story, I have something like it. It’s one of those stories you can’t even bring up. My mom was telling me she was pregnant with me at sixteen and married at seventeen to my birth father.

“You get to choose the path in front of you. You don't get to choose where you came from.” @SamanthaPostman Click To Tweet

A year later, my brother came along and things weren’t going great, as you can imagine. They’re pretty young. My mom is extremely strong-minded. Take my personality and multiply it by ten. Jesus’ spitfire, that’s for sure. That didn’t work out, obviously. My third brother came along. Apparently, he was the divorce celebration. I’m so sorry, mom, if you’re reading this. She’s basically 21, 22 and she’s got three little ones. My birth father was pretty much out of our life. My mum was definitely the woman scorned type. He was a meeker kind. Apparently, when he drank, he wasn’t meek but he definitely would back down to her. She said, “You’re not going to be in the children’s life.” He was like, “I’m not going to make trouble for her.” He was a bit more that way.

He wasn’t really in my life growing up. There were other fathers along the way, which I’m not going to get into fully because what I want to get to is to focus on my birth father. When I was nineteen years old, I found out I had a sister and my birth father had another family later but my mom chose not to tell me about this. We didn’t have internet back then so it’s not like you just search for your last name. This happened. It’s not like I would know. I was nineteen when I found out I had a sister. I happened to see my birth father. I hadn’t seen him in a long time and he said to me, “You have a sister. Would you like to meet her? She’s five.” I’m like, “What?” Apparently, she’s living locally. He’s like, “Would you like to go to the swimming pool with her?” I was like, “I haven’t seen you in years and now, all of a sudden.” I didn’t even know how to handle that.

Dave: What nineteen-year-old would?

Samantha: You’d be surprised what I can handle at nineteen. I moved out at seventeen before I finished high school and put myself through the rest of high school while working two jobs. I moved out early. I can handle it and I was married at twenty. For whatever reason, I don’t know what happened but we didn’t end up meeting. I don’t know if the swimming fell through or whatever. I don’t remember the details. It didn’t happen. I just knew I had this sister for a long time and I’m not particularly close with my birth father’s side. My mom made sure she kept us out. Back then, you could do that sort of thing. No internet and all that stuff. You don’t tell people where you are and they can’t find you as easily.

Many years later, I knew about her and I asked one cousin that I have gotten to know on my father’s side and she’s pretty amazing. I asked about my sister and I’m like, “Do you know anything about her?” She told me a little bit about her because she had been moved around by some of the aunts when she was little. She had open-heart surgery when she was five and I guess it was too much for the marriage. My dad was not married to her mom anymore. That’s about all I knew. Around 2013 or 2014, I get a call that my birth father died. Those would have been, could have been, should have been. Anyone out there reading, when you can’t make it right anymore. Not that I did anything wrong.

Dave: There’s a lot of pain with it still.

Samantha: All the things that should have been. Should have been a good dad, should have been this. Should have been there when I needed protection. All those things. You don’t even know the darn things are going to happen until they do at the time. These feelings come out that you just didn’t even know were in there. It’s crazy how that works. It was pretty emotional. The family reaches out to me, which I have had very little contact with and is like, “Can you find your sister and tell her your dad died?” I’m like, “Okay.”

It’s a strange relationship with my grandparents already. There was some bad stuff that happened and that’s all this family stuff is. I didn’t know what to do. My cousin’s like, “I don’t know, Samantha. Some things are left better not discovered. I think that you may discover something that you don’t want to have. You’ve worked hard in your life to shed some of that. Do you want to enter that in your life again?’” I felt compelled to. She should know and I knew she had seen him on and off because I had seen some pictures of my grandparents that were with her in them a few when she was little.

This is the craziest story. People are not going to believe this. This is like those stories you hear on television. I knew her mom’s name. The funny thing is my mom’s name is Colleen. Her mom’s name was Connie. My birth father was 6’3” and my mom was 5’ tall. Connie was super short too. She was around that height and everything he told me about her, basically, he married my mom twice. I knew her name. I knew just enough about her and Facebook’s around now. I go on Facebook and start typing in her mom’s name, people we might know.

All of a sudden, her name comes up. Jamie Hunter comes up and Hunter’s a common name. I go on there and I see her mom because you get to see the relatives and stuff. It said her mom’s name was Connie. I was like, “This must be her,” because I knew her mom’s name and that’s how I found her. This is the craziest thing. On her profile, it showed where she worked. She was working at a hotel called the Days Inn which used to be called the Pepper Tree Inn and it’s the same owner. Here’s my sister working the exact same job at the same desk for the same owners that I had close to her age in my city.

My town is around 80,000 people at that time and she’s working the exact same job. They hired sisters and didn’t even know it. I had worked that job so I knew when the best time to go was. I knew that in the hotel industry, between about 1:00 and 2:00, when all the guests are gone and the new ones haven’t come yet then that’s a quiet time. I knew to go there between 1:00 and 2:00 and I knew that there was this little nook coffee area there. I knew where we’d be able to sit. You have no idea what this is like. I’m going to go there and I’m freaking out. I have 5,000 butterflies ten times over in the parking lot trying to work up the courage because I have no idea what’s going to go on when I walk through this door. How do you walk in and just say, “I’m your sister and your dad’s gone.” How do you do that?

Dave: No idea.

Samantha: I got out of the car, go in there and she’s sitting at the counter and the desk is exactly the same as when I work there. It’s the same wood, the same everything. She’s sitting in the same position when I worked there. I looked at her and I’m like, “I was wondering if you and I can have a chat. I know you guys have this little coffee area. We know somebody in common. I was hoping we could talk about him.” She’s like, “Okay. Who are you weirdo? I’ll listen to you.” She didn’t say that. I’m making that part out because I got to laugh a little bit because I was nervous.

Dave: I bet she was thinking something similar.

Samantha: We sit down and straight-up I’m like, “I’m your sister.” She didn’t even know she had a sister. She’s twelve years younger than I am. She had heard that he may have had another family but that’s about all her mom had said. She wasn’t sure whether it was a stepdaughter or anything like that. There’s that moment where you’re just like, “I’m your sister.” She’s trying to take that all in and what that looks like. After that, she’s like, “Okay.” First, I said to her, “Is your dad Gary Hunter?” She’s like, “He is.” I said, “He’s my dad too.” I have to tell her. You have this moment where you’re like, “I’m your sister,” and then all of a sudden, I’m like, “By the way, he’s gone. He died a few weeks ago.”

Dave: Good news and bad news all in one fell swoop. How the hell do you handle that?

Samantha: It was beautiful too. How many people get to have that? I always wanted a sister and never had one so I thought this was my moment to get that sister you never had. She had this beautiful smile and these huge blue eyes like me. She had this energy to her, this shine, I think. I love that. I don’t remember all the rest of the conversation because there’s just so much. We got to know each other a little bit. We went to the funeral together and she was super afraid. She hadn’t been there for a long time. It turns out the reason why the family couldn’t find her was because when she was fourteen, she got a court order and emancipated herself from her family and went into the foster system.

That was why nobody knew where she was because she wasn’t with her mom anymore. She had a tough life and she talked about how our dad used to come at carnival time and bring her and her sister, she had an older sister that her mom had previous to their marriage. He would bring the two of them. He took them both on like daughters, the other one when she was little. He would take them once a year out and do these things. She talked quite fondly about him in those ways. We had to go to the funeral and I haven’t seen most of the family. We’ve ended on bad terms because they pulled a nasty thing on me.

Here I am. I bring my family. The long-lost family. It’s like those adoption stories where they talk about where you come in, that’s us. I’m coming in. I haven’t seen any of my aunt and my uncles since I was a baby and I was 37 years old. I walk in and here’s Samantha, Gary’s little one that they haven’t seen since she was in a little walker and a stroller. I come in with three kids in tow, almost adults at that time, teenagers, and my husband and I put together. I’ve got marriage for tons of years. My kids are great. They’re well-behaved. They can talk to the adults. They’re church kids. These kids know how to be with adults and people of all generations. That’s something they learned.

They were all like, “Wow.” My uncles and stuff, they’re similar to their brother and then my sister comes in and she’s a mess. They just take her in under their wing and like, “Our little Jamie.” They were treating her like she was like the long-lost son and she returned and she was gold. Families are treating me terribly because I said that we had an estranged relationship and they don’t like the word I used. One of my uncles unfriended me. It was ridiculous. First, they friend me to find out who I am then unfriends me and says he doesn’t want people like me in his life but then takes my sister in and they go and do drugs together.

That was more drama trauma, as I call it. It was so much trauma going to my dad’s funeral in many ways but it was really good too. It was restorative in many ways too. I’m glad I went but it was one of the hardest things I’ve done. I was nervous. I’ve never been that nervous in my life to go to a funeral. I came home that night and I had only put one earring in because I had been nervous. I didn’t notice. They were big hoop earrings.

All day I had one massive loop hearing and it seems like a trivial thing but I was so nervous. I missed the other one and I didn’t even notice the whole day until that night when I went to take it out. I was like, “What happened to the other one?” I looked and it was right beside where I was getting ready in the morning. It sounds like a silly thing but my nerves were unbelievable. What happened from that was my sister and I were in a similar area, 30 minutes away. She lived in a city that I normally go to and then we started to grow our relationship a little bit. As I got to know her, Dave, this is the part when I was talking about the twin story. I got to meet a version of me with different choices.

Who gets to look in the mirror and see a version of yourself with different choices? We had 50% of the same DNA. Same dad. A lot of the same backstory in many ways. Some characters were different but same backstory. Our mothers are strong-willed, strong-minded, feisty, got out of hell types. To have that job, she had my personality. I had her personality in many ways. How many people at fourteen figure out how to navigate a court system to get emancipated? Doesn’t that tell you something about what she was capable of at that age?

I got to meet a version of myself with different choices and she didn’t handle them the way I did. She handled them the way the other twin did. Didn’t make good lifestyle choices. We call them choices but they’re not always choices. If you’ve been grown up and you’ve been battered, beaten and broken, you cannot just choose to be unbroken. It’s like a dog who’s been beaten 5,000 times. When you go to kick them, they can’t choose not to cringe. Their body is going to cringe. Many people come from brokenness.

We all have different capacities and strength levels. It’s not because I chose better. In a way, it’s so much deeper than that. Her addictions were her way of coping to numb the pain. Whereas my addiction was perfectionism, overachieving, learning everything, putting my mind into learning brand new things because then I don’t have to think about my life. My past life, when I’m looking at my front life. We coped differently. Mine happened to make me successful. It’s similar. I have a learning addiction, honestly. I love learning. It sounds all great and wonderful but maybe it’s a coping mechanism for me.

Dave: It’s still an addiction.

Samantha: I love learning. I could be a student 24 hours a day and be as happy as can be. I love teaching too. I got to journey what it’s like to have a family member with addiction and I’m the one who’s got financial means. I’m the one who’s got my life together. She definitely would lean on me and call me up and do the whole, “Can you borrow me $100? I promise I’ll pay you on Tuesday.” These kinds of calls. Anyone who’s reading knows what that’s like.

Dave: “Sure, you’ll pay me back.”

 Samantha: The only reason why I can be this candid about her story is that she’s not here anymore. Otherwise, I would never talk about it as candidly but I can now and I’m thankful for that part of it. I think it helps people learn. I can say things and speak into or for people that can articulate because maybe their family is still together here or maybe because they’re too broken too. I get released from that with her. She has something unique too. She had a stepfather who her mom had married after and he took her under his wing and he was amazing. He took her on as a daughter but then when the marriage ended, he raised her. That’s her dad but then now her mom is not married to him anymore so he’s not really her dad anymore.

Dave: How do you manage that?

Samantha: I could do a whole episode on the stuff with that. If you probably read my one essay where I let her go about this whole blended family thing on Twitter. She was really close, maybe even almost codependent to be honest, the relationship between the two of them but she stayed close with him and his family. His parents were her grandparents and they were so wholesome to her and they loved her. They gave her the opportunity to work in their business and would help her with glasses if she couldn’t afford them. They were kind to her and amazing for her. Her whole world is pretty much her stepdad over dad. One day she gets a call and he had committed suicide.

This was her whole world. This is my world that I come from, Dave. People don’t understand. This is normal stuff in my world. You’ve no idea how that rocked her to the core. Suicide does do that but she didn’t have anyone else. He left her. I think he had some addiction issues and that he just took too much one night and he got overwhelmed. It was like, this is an easy way out of the pain. Here’s what’s crazy, I go to the funeral with her and they start talking about him and it was like I heard them talking about my own birth father. It was like they were describing the same man twice. Gentle-spirited, shirt off your back for anyone. Married a feisty woman who gave him a beautiful daughter who was also feisty. When I heard the eulogies about her stepdad, it was like hearing them talk exactly what I’d heard about my dad. Our dad married the same woman and the same women married the same guy.

Dave: Déjà vu all over again.

Samantha: Our genetics are similar. We have a similar background and she spiraled after that. She had been doing really well. I have a picture of her right before her stepdad died and she looked good. She spiraled after that. She couldn’t get her feet back up after that. In just a year and a half, I took her to detox through there and I’m a little bit too emotional to rationally think where that came in. Even having a sister in detox is so much. People have no idea how much work that is.

Here’s another thing with her, I can share this because she’s gone but there’s an easy way to pay for an addiction, a quick way for women to pay for addiction whether they get the drugs from that person or can afford to buy the drugs from somebody else. My sister did that. She sometimes prostituted herself to pay for her addiction. Paid for her rent when her money went towards drug addiction. She shared this with me one time. She told me about it. It was the craziest thing because she says to me, “You need to bring me home.” I’m like, “What’s going on?” She goes, “I need to change because I have a job.” I’m like, “What?” She tells me and I’m like, “I’m going to take you home so you can go put lingerie?” This too much information.

Getting Out of Detox

I hugged her and I’m like, “Sweetie, this must kill you inside.” She’s like, “I know I got to pay my rent.” The reason I’m telling you that is because people don’t really understand. When you get out of detox and you have nowhere to go, you got to pay your rent. How is she going to do that? She tells me this. She goes, “I got to pay my rent next month, getting out of detox.” She’s going to go to her other job so she can make her rent.

I’m trying to talk her into going to rehab because that’s the best thing for her but that’s their choice. I’ve made arrangements. I can figure it out, get her stuff, whatever but they got to want to go. I was trying to talk her into going to rehab and she’s like, “No, I’m going to come out. I’m going to pay my bills, get my stuff in order then I’ll go into rehab.” I’m like, “I know what’s going to happen how you’re going to pay your rent. What’s going to happen from there? You’re going to have to cover that pain somehow.”

We know how that happens. She’s like, “It’s not going to happen this time,” but it did. I think she had so much shame and between her dad and that. She’s in my life. I’m redoing my will, by the way. My husband and I were up in the lawyer’s office and I had put my sister in the will. My lawyer knew my maiden name but he’s like, “Who’s this Jamie Hunter you added in your will?” We haven’t signed yet. It’s just a draft. I’m like, “It’s my sister. I don’t want to give her too much because she has a drug addiction but I want her to have something because I want her to know that I cared enough to leave her something.”

Remember, I’m from the tax world and I’ve seen tons of wills and I know what happens when you leave important people out of those wills. I’ve seen the after-effects and there is no damn way I’m doing that even if it’s a small amount. To name someone and put a small amount on them is huge. I told the lawyer that and I’m like, “This is what I want.” We come down from the lawyer’s office. I’m not even in the car and I get the call. It’s her mom. She says, “Jamie was found in a hotel this morning all alone.” Her stuff was there. I knew she was on the run from the police. I don’t know what was all going on. My head is all going because I had been trying to get her scooter and some different things because I didn’t know where she was. I was trying to help her put some stuff in my garage or whatever before people started coming and getting stuff from her before she died.

She is living in a hotel. I didn’t even know. I had checked just the week before with the police. A friend of mine’s a police officer and he said to me, “All I can tell you is she’s a person of interest but I can’t tell you if we know where she is.” A week later, I get that call. I think it said cardiac arrest or something. She had a heart condition from her open-heart surgery when she was little but basically all the drugs over a long period of time. I don’t know if she did it on purpose. She could have. There wasn’t a note but her dad died with a note and that note tore her apart. She replayed that note a trillion times through her head. Notes are can be important because they need to know if it was on purpose or not. In her case, the police are like, “She didn’t leave a note so we don’t think it was on purpose.” I’m like, “I don’t think she would leave a note because she knows what that did to her when her dad did that.”

BP 10 | Drug Addiction

 

When I went to her funeral, it’s like the adoption story all over again. I go to her funeral and here I am, the first time in my life, meeting all her aunts and uncles. Meeting her mom, who I’ve never met. Meeting her whole family and they’re like, “Here’s Jamie’s sister at her funeral.” It was a small funeral. It was at a home. It wasn’t in a big building or anything like that. I’m meeting her other sister, her mom, her aunts, her uncles and the whole experience is unnerving. We’re over in the home at the end of the memorial and her uncle comes over to me. He’s like, “All of us are sitting over there staring at you all day.” I know that but I’m like, “Yeah?” They’re like, “We can’t get over how much you’re like her. Your mannerisms. The way you sit on words.”

We are Born with Different Capacities

We’d never met. We didn’t grow up together. All of them could not take their eyes off of me. They said it was like seeing her in a slightly different body. Her other sister, funny enough, they have the same voice. From a separate room, they would sound the same. They’re the same tone of voice and the same voice box but that was hard to hear because you get to see your life flash before your eyes in 5,000 different ways that I’m like, “That could have been me.” There’re a lot of people who are like me, who grew up like me and that is them. When I mentor young adults, sometimes I tell them that is from where I come from. You end up dead or you’re dead inside. There’s hardly anything ever in between. You end up dead or you end up dead inside. That’s what both happened to her.

There’re a lot of people who are like me, who grew up like me. When I mentor young adults, sometimes I tell them that where I come from... You end up dead or you're dead inside. There's hardly anything ever in between. Both… Click To Tweet

I had no idea that was coming out.

Dave: I feel extremely privileged to have know that. You’ve just given that to almost a complete stranger. I feel like I have been given a terrific gift which I’ll give back to you.

Samantha: I don’t think I’ve ever told that story all the way through like that. Pieces but never all the way through like that. To see a version of yourself, not too many of us get to do that. I remember sitting there when she was gone and thinking, “Why did I deserve to live?” I’m not talking about physically living because you can live but there are different ways to live. You can live and get up every day and watch Netflix. That’s not living. Why did I get to live? You read my bio and that’s only the teeniest little bit. I’ve been around the world, done 100 things. Why did I get to live and she couldn’t? That’s why I say it’s not just such a choice. People say to me, “Those drug addicts should stop it. That’s all they have to do.” I’m like, “You have no idea how much they would love to do that.” That’s not as easy as you think. Not all of us are born with the same capacities.

Dave: That is a fantastic and powerful story. Thank you.

Samantha: On the show, I shared something really personal and I know that for many of you, this spoke to you a little too close to home. Maybe it’s because you have an adoption story and you know what it’s like to meet the family at a big event that you’ve never met before. The nerves I was talking about at the funeral but were nerves, not about the funeral but about meeting these people that I had, these invisible connections to connections that I didn’t even know were there but were always there. You know what it’s like to go and meet a family that you haven’t ever seen or seen since you were a baby. To gaze on people and see that they look exactly like your brother or something you do or say and you sit and think you’re in this outer world experiencing these people you have connections to.

When you think, “How did I not know that this connection to me was in the universe?” maybe for you, you come from an adoption story and you’re not sure about pursuing your adoption family. I don’t know what the right answer for you is. I only know that I just understand the deep desire to understand where you come from and no one is ever going to be able to change that from you. I went through a lot of pain, finding out where I came more about where I came from and it could go either way. I want you to know that you’re not alone in that decision and that it’s human to want to know where you came from. That was my desire for meeting up with my sister.

Although it’s not a full adoption story, there’s a lot of overlap and similarities. I also want to talk about what it’s like to have someone close to you in your family who has an addiction. I don’t know what’s exactly going to work for you. I just want to be supportive and let you know what it’s like. I only know what it’s like to be someone without all the baggage. As with my sister, I didn’t have all of our childhood baggage. it was a lot easier for me to love on her than someone who maybe grew up with if I’d grown up with her, had different baggage, trigger points and little jabs that we could do at each other. I didn’t have that with her. I was released from the baggage and I was free to love her.

If you’re not sure how to love someone who’s struggling in their life, I don’t know that I did it right. I just know it worked for me. I’ll share what I did. If it’s of value to you then I’m thankful for that. Some of you are probably wondering why I didn’t pay her rent because when someone’s an addict when you start giving them money, it never ends. They get more desperate. It’s too easy to ask. I one time gave my sister $100 the first time even though I knew that I shouldn’t but I did. She never remembered to pay me back. I knew that when I gave it to her, I probably wasn’t going to get it back. I decided from there that my support would look different.

“If you are struggling with someone in your life who’s got an addiction and you’re just not sure how to handle it, always find good support.”

 

What I did was things like when she was looking for work, I went through her resume and revamped it for her. What I also did is when she was looking for a job, I would help her pick out her clothing. I would drive her around everywhere that she needed to go to apply for jobs. My sister didn’t have a driver’s license. That was the way that I showed support. I think something that she said to me once stuck out and she’s like, “I can’t believe you introduced me to your friends. That means a lot to me.” I didn’t really think that much about it. In retrospect, I hear what she was saying. I brought her to my friends and I said, “This is my sister.”

I spent time with her. I went shopping with her. I went out in public with her. It wasn’t obvious that she was a drug addict but I suppose that some people who had run into her in different ways may have known that but I was never ashamed of her. I’m not ashamed now. She had so many beautiful things about her. If I didn’t like her, I wouldn’t be liking myself because I just told you how much alike we were. Here’s something really cool about her. When I was helping her with her resume, I learned that she had some certifications. At the time, it was Word, Office. She had done Excel and Word and that was on her resume. She having these certifications and I was like, “Jamie, that’s cool that you went and got these certifications. Good for you.”

I knew she hadn’t finished high school. She’s like, “To be honest, remember when I was in jail?” I’m like, “Yeah.” she got busted for selling to a police officer and six months in jail. She goes, “The college offers courses through the jail. I thought, ‘I was just sitting here doing nothing anyway. I’m also going to get some courses.'” She went and got some certifications. On her resume, it shows the school that granted them to her. I got to learn something cool. It told me something about her. Instead of sitting there wallowing in her misery, she did something to improve herself. She used that idle time to improve herself and it made me love her that much more. It made me love that about her. I learned that because I helped through other ways. She didn’t stop asking, not a ton but she did ask. It’s like, “I’ll only borrow this one time and I won’t be another,” and I did it. I was like, “We both know that this isn’t a good idea for our relationship.”

Finding Good Support Systems for Your Addictions

I encourage you to know that if you are struggling with someone in your life who’s got an addiction and you’re just not sure how to handle it. It’s not a simple answer. What I did is not necessarily what was going to work for you. Know there are support systems. I think you do need to find good support. I have a good husband. I had a good support system and someone to land on when I was feeling like I was flailing and not sure what to do. I also had a cousin and she was a solid rock for me and helping me with my sister because they’re cousins as well. Between the two of us, when my sister was in detox, she was wanting to leave every millisecond. She constantly phoned us saying, “Come get me. I’m done.” She called between us. My cousin and I would tag team off and believe me, it was a lot. I have an autoimmune disease. I was really sick at the time. I’m barely functioning myself. To be honest, if it wasn’t for my cousin, I don’t think I could have made it through that detox time with her as well. Lean on someone who is strong too and tag team off if you need to. The whole thing is to love on them.

Comparison is the biggest joy killer. Click To Tweet

Something else that I get asked a lot is do I feel guilt. She’s gone now. Do I feel like I should have done more? Should I have paid her rent? All the should have been. “Should have done this. I could’ve done that. I could’ve done this.” I miss my sister. It’s crazy. I miss her the most on her birthday, a day we should be celebrating her life but she was in a lot of pain. I truly believe that her pain is over now and she’s not suffering anymore emotionally, physically or anything. That gives me peace because she’s not suffering anymore because she suffered a lot. I don’t think it’s easy to have met me and see me doing so well and comparing. We all know that comparison is the biggest joy killer.

I can’t change the fact that we were different people and that if she chose to compare, which is something I compare but I’m not the one who’s comparing my life and thinking I’ve shorted myself somewhere. I don’t know all the answers but just know that when we talk about this, there’s healing. I want you to know that you’re not alone. There are a lot of people suffering like this. A lot of it is behind closed doors, people aren’t talking about it and people are awful. The stuff that people say about drug addicts specifically, it could be an alcoholic, they don’t understand. They said, “Drug addicts should stop it. Stop putting those needles in them.” Do you know who says that? Often people who had two-parent homes, grew up in middle-class, went to a grade school or decent school, lived in a good neighborhood, grew up, married someone, had a great family.

They’re sitting there and this one was on a little bit like on their high horse because that’s where they are. They’re high up on a horse coming down to the peasants. They’re just like, “If you would change this, it’s so simple. Here’s what to do.” I’m like, “Yeah because you’re a person of privilege. You had the horse given to you. You had nice clothes. You have the position. You’re never going to understand what it’s like to be on the ground.” If you’re one of those people that have been saying that, please stop because it’s not as simple as you think. The people who are down there don’t know how to speak to you. They don’t know how to say to you, “It’s not that simple,” but I’m telling you, it’s not that simple. It’s a way of covering the pain.

Once you do it and you realize that you can numb it somehow then that’s what you’re going to go to. The addiction isn’t really to the drug. The addiction is to numbing the pain. They’re numbing the pain. Sometimes they’re covering the pain. Sometimes they’re covering the shame. It’s very deep, emotional, complex and not solved in quick little answers. It’s solved with love. It’s solved with people standing up and saying something. If there’s someone out there who wants to do something and you’ve got some money, I have some ideas about how I think we could help the drug crisis and drug addicts. A few of them, I think, are solid. If you’re interested and you’re interested in steering that up, give me a call.

BP 10 | Drug Addiction
Drug Addiction: Sometimes, the things you are shameful or deeply emotional about are not solved with quick, little answers. Instead, it calls for love and people standing up and saying something.

 

I’ll go through my notes. I take notes when I’ve got ideas like that but most of us don’t have that ability. We can just do it in small ways. I think the first way is to listen and not to be judgmental. My sister, can you imagine what it took for her to tell me what she was doing to pay for the drugs? I loved to honor. My heart hurt for her but it didn’t make me love her any less. In fact, in many ways, it made me love her more because she was vulnerable and the depth of her pain and her desperation to cover the pain was so clear to me. The only thing I could do is console her to let her know that I was going to love her anyway and love her for who she is.

I was there to try to help her to figure out ways that she could adjust her life and the ideas that I have for addictions come from a lot of what I’ve learned through joining her. As well as walking through many clients, my tax plans, I became quite proficient at government agencies, programmings, how they work, what works, what doesn’t work and how payments are worked for people. I have a pretty good understanding especially in Canada of what’s out there and how it’s being done. I have some ideas about how to handle it. One of them, which I will put on here, just because I’m thinking of it at the moment is I believe that when someone comes out, if we can get them into detox and get them into rehab, I would like to see people who’ve been out of rehab to get placed into a home.

What I have in mind is something like a foster system. When you have a foster child and the home is vetted out for the foster child to have a place to go, there’s somebody, a social worker who comes in and checks on the foster child. I’d like to model something like that for people who come out of rehab because what they really need to do is get out of the neighborhood they’re in, away from the people that they live with. The idea is that they have a good support system. If they can be moved into another support system and network, that’s half of it. If they’re in a place that wants them there, that’s going to teach them life skills, going to have a support system where a support worker comes and then hopefully getting a job and reintegrating into society but in a different spot.

Their spot was here in society. When we put them in a foster home, I’d like to see them put over here where they’re reintegrated in society in a different direction where all of their triggers and back life isn’t as prominent. That’s one of my ideas that I think would really help as well. Remember, I was telling you about the pain. If you’re with a foster home in the ideal situation, I guess not all of them would be ideal. If you’re in an ideal home and the guy was in a situation, they’re going to have love or this care. They’re going to be protected. They’re going to be watched and not overly watched because these are adults. I’m talking about just like in a way you care or are checked on. Those are all ways to make people feel cared about.

There’s not so much pain to cover up. I don’t know, get new friends, learn new, healthy ways to live, to cope because you can’t change that. If you had rehab for 30 days, 90 days, 6 months, however long or there are some year-long ones, I know people who’ve gone for a year and they come out. If they’re not put into a really good situation coming out, they will re-offend very quickly. You cannot reintegrate someone into the exact place that you just took them out of because they’re more than likely going to re-offend. I don’t like using the word re-offend. Reuse. What else do I feel compelled to say?

Something that you heard me talk about also is my inability to talk about this all the time. This was one super story in my lifeline. There are many more, even some that are more powerful than this one. My fear is moving forward is that when other people decide what to talk to you about then they steer my ship. You can talk about drug addiction, what we’re going to do with addiction, support systems, support groups, blended family complications, which I have a lot to speak about that. I will speak in those spaces sometimes but they can’t be my all the time. All the time is this wholesome life I’ve created with my family and with my children. I had to work hard, harder than you can even imagine. It seems like it’s an easy thing but it’s not. In this session, I talked a bit about two twin boys. When you are with a family that always speaks in a certain way, acts a certain way, overreacts a certain way, it becomes your DNA.

If your parents were impatient with you, you will be impatient with your children. It took me until a couple of years ago to deprogram. I’m still not completely deprogrammed. There are times when I want to act out and just say the rash, quick thing because that’s what I was growing up with. I have to slow down and take a minute. Let’s say one of the kids spills a cup over. Instead of getting angry and upset, I’m like, “I’ll go grab a rag. Can you go grab a rag? We’ll clean this up together.” Do you think that’s easy? It’s not when that’s not your default. It’s a lot of work and it’s exhausting. I have to step back and I’m a fast thinker but I have to take a quick breath, stop my gut reaction, my muscle memory from stopping from going.

Fighting Your DNA is Hard Work but You Can Do It

Instead of just going, “You idiot. How did you drop that? Why are you being so careless? Stop talking with your hands and keep your hands,” all those things. All I say is, “Let’s go get a cloth and clean that up,” because this happens. When I’m sitting at a table, people move cups. I talk with my hands sometimes so I’ve knocked some cups over and I get pretty expressive. We’re all sometimes trying to fight our DNA and trying to step into it. if you’re one of those ones, those are like a full-time job like me fighting your DNA. I’m not talking about genetics. I’m talking about all the behaviors that adjust your DNA, all of the things that happened in your life that inform your DNA to get your DNA to act in a certain way.

You can choose to change that and the sooner you do it, the better but it’s hard work. It can be exhausting and no one’s ever going to understand it. I’m going to tell you. No one can ever understand. Unless what I said to you like, “I’ve never heard anyone say that.” I said to you about every time I want to overreact to something, I have to go, “That’s not the correct response. This is the healthy response.” My kids aren’t little anymore so I don’t have to do that as often. Generally speaking, it’s just very easy-going in our home. When they’re really little, they’re fighting all the time and misbehaving, that was a lot harder than anyone imagined. It was literally almost a full-time mental job to stop and then readjust my actions or reaction to a healthy response.

You can do it. It can be done but it takes work. The more you do it, the easier it gets because it becomes your new programming. I promise you it’s worth it because if you can do that, when your kids raised their kids, what’s their program response going to be? Their gut reaction, their muscle memory is when their children knock over a cup is going to say, “Hold on, let me go grab a cloth. We’ll clean that up together.” That’s what I wanted for my children. That’s what motivated me because I looked to the future and I said, “Where do I see my children? How do I want them to behave? How I behave is going to inform how they do.” That was enough for me. It’s like this with every decision. Every time you have an opportunity to react or overreact, all you have to do is say this to yourself. I know something is simple but there’s something that I do.

I just say, “In the future, who do I want to be? Do I want to be kind, patient, authentic, generous, loving, non-judgmental, welcoming, inclusive, forgiving? if those are all the things I want to be and I’m aiming for whatever my action is needs to align with that.” I’m not perfect at it. To be honest, sometimes I act out of anger too rashly. However, in general, choose who you want to be in the future. Everything else is easy because when something comes, you go yes or no. Am I going to act this way or not act this way? I talked about black and white before. Not everything is black and white but it definitely makes it a lot simpler. If you’ve pre-decided how you will and will not behave. I pre-decided not to intentionally label people for something that happened ten years ago.

I tried really hard. I’m not perfect at it but I try hard to do that because I don’t want to be known by the labels that happened to me 10 or 15 years ago. I’ve just decided I’m not going to use those labels. When I introduce somebody or talk about somebody, I’ll say, “This is my friend from whatever I know her. She’s great.” I’ll talk about something that I like about them. That’s something I do a lot. I’ll be like, “I like this about them.” If you pay attention, almost everybody has a thing. They have this essence. There is something, a beautiful essence about almost everyone I’ve ever met. Even a person that I dislike has an essence about him and something I admire in him even though I don’t like him as a person. I’m not perfect at this. The closer they are to me, the worst I get at it because that’s how it works. in general, I try to say things like, “You’re going to love this about them.”

When you point that out to someone else, that’s the thing they’re going to see. That makes that relationship great right from the start. It’s like, “That guy has got a really good voice. That guy’s good at coming up with creative poetry.” I usually introduce people with something that I think can be a starting talking point. My friend will go over and go, “Samantha told me that you’re good at poetry.” Smile. They’re like, “Yeah, she said that about me.” She doesn’t say that out loud but that’s what their body language is. They have a connection because we have the power to change. We have the power to change how other people interact with our friends, with our family, with people we know by simply choosing the introduction. The introduction can determine the conclusion and that’s how we should treat each other.

Whenever we can, whenever we’re strong enough. If we’re not strong enough in the moment then it’s time to pull back and I’m just going to leave it with this. I asked my daughter, “What’s a lesson I could teach people that really resonated with you? Something that I taught you going along.” I don’t remember talking to her about this but this is what she said. Something I think is fitting to finish with. She said, “Forgive yourself when you don’t meet your own expectations.” What I taught her was you’re going to set expectations for yourself. Maybe you’re going to the kind person, the person who doesn’t gossip or you’re going to get a degree.

You’re the one who’s not going to get pregnant. You’re the one who’s going to be a top executive. You’re the one who’s going to stay married for life and then you don’t. You’re the one who’s going to blank, successful or unsuccessful, whatever it is. You’ve gotten that blank. You need to forgive yourself when you don’t meet your own expectations. Life will hijack you. It gets in the way. You’re human. We’re all human. I’m human. If I’m tired, I’m not making as good of a choice as to when I’m feeling strong. If I’ve just been emotionally scarred by somebody, felt attacked and vulnerable, I have to use a lot more energy to not take that out on somebody. I’m not always going to have that even if I want to, no matter what my willpower. I learned to forgive myself sometimes. That’s what happened to my sister.

I learned to forgive myself. Could I have done more? There are some things I could’ve done more for her. I don’t know that I could have loved her any more than I did. I loved her and she knew it almost to a fault because I think that’s partly what separated us in the very end when she didn’t tell me where she was. She was ashamed because she knew I had my life together and she didn’t. She couldn’t tell me that she failed again. That’s the only thing I regret is that she felt like she couldn’t tell me that she failed again. I would have decided, “It’s okay, honey. We’ll get up and try it again together.” Quitting is only quitting if you quit forever. You can pause. You can retry it. Quitting is when it’s permanent when you stop trying. The trick is to keep trying.

Keep Trying – Perseverance Creates Success

That’s my trade secret. Keep trying. Perseverance creates success. It creates progress. It creates permanence. It creates a feeling in yourself that you’ve succeeded, that you’ve done well but in order to do something really well, you’ve had to try a lot to get there, to be good at it. If you want to know what my secret skill is, I guess my secret skill is I just don’t give up. I sometimes redirect. I sometimes pivot. If you read some of my articles, I talk about not quitting or not failing. I talk about pivoting. Sometimes you need to pivot. Sometimes you need to redirect. Sometimes you do need to retreat but those aren’t quitting. It’s like gathering yourself again and taking some time to do some strategy. Analysis, that’s smart. Sometimes it’s smart to pull back, retreat and gather yourself together, figure out how to move forward.

No matter who you are and what you want to become, you need healing. Click To Tweet

It’s stupid to just railroad through when you’re losing, you’re dying and it’s stupid to quit. I like to offer this as an ending. I haven’t ever done this on-screen before. I’m going to say a prayer for any of you who are hurting or touched a few raw cords in there because it definitely did for me. I’m going to end in a prayer. It doesn’t matter what your faith is. I care enough to pray to God and ask for healing. That’s what I’m going to do. God and Lord, I ask you and I beseech you to enter the hearts of those who read this. We don’t know what their story is. I don’t know what their story is. I know it’s powerful and this is their story. It’s something that they journey through. No matter who we are and what we want to become, we need healing.

I ask for healing, I ask for strength and I just ask for people to be not judgmental or less if that’s progress. I thank you for caring enough to hear us and that we can always express because, through prayer, we articulate in a way that we never could anywhere else. For that, that’s therapy. For that, that’s healing. I ask that for any of you out there, cry out to the universe if that’s what it takes. Write it in a journal and talk about it because when you can articulate, put a name to it and put words to it. It’s healing. You might have to burn it up when you’re done and that’s okay. You’re going to be okay. You need to be okay.

Samantha: That’s it for this series with Dave Kimbell. He was great to talk to. Something that I love about Dave is I love who I am around him. There are certain people in your life where they bring out something in you that you love about yourself, and when you find someone like that, treasure it. I spoke from the heart and I hope it was helpful. In our other episode, the first one with Dave, if you want to catch that one, we talked about what it’s like to live in the balance of tension and how I think that we’re meant to live in the tension. We also talked about labels and the disagreeable side of labels. I got a thing against labels. We also talked about why I love traveling so much and how I see traveling as this way to experience expressions of our creator in people that I meet.

We do talked a little bit on the touchy subject of the #MeToo Movement in the first episode, and having courage in your marriage and what that can look like for you. We talked a bit about what it’s like to have a public image or public presence and the bandwidth that’s required for meeting the needs of people who come along your way and connecting in a meaningful way. We also talked about generational splits with Dave Kimbell. In that one, we talked about what the generational splits have done as a detriment, got into a little bit of a salty rant about the education system as well as what that looks like culturally.

We also talked about something that I get asked a lot about, and that’s about this idea that I see in 10-D. I’ve referred about it on my website, it’s a name that a friend gave me. I do talk about this HDR photography as a metaphor for how I see the worlds in contrast, lights and darks. I hope you enjoyed all these sessions with Dave because I sure did. I know that I will take them to heart for a long time. For any of you who found this episode especially heavy, I definitely ask that you talk it out with somebody, reach out to someone. I hope that what I did is helpful and that it will make a big difference in either your life or someone close to you. Thanks for reading.

Important Links:

About Dave Kimbell

BP 10 | Drug Addiction

Ghostwriting entrepreneur for high-growth Ottawa/Kanata startups. Writes on Twitter, Medium, LinkedIn & Quora about wealth, crypto-currencies, human nature, persuasion, and occasionally past experiences as an aerospace/systems engineer. Twitter Space host.

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